Foreword

Treating people who have suffered so greatly in the past and the present, in my mind is a gift from my patient, my client, and my friend.  I say that not lightly, as my patients all influence me in so many personal ways and help to develop my professional skills along the way.  But it is their story that they are living, their story that they are sharing, and it is this sharing that makes them vulnerable, open, trusting, and hopeful.  As a Doctor of Psychology, I embrace and cherish that story as I guide and follow them through that journey of memories and deep internal emotions from the past to their present.  The patient guides the doctor and in turn is enlightened through my means and reflection.  I am grateful for this experience as so few in the world are given the opportunity to share something so personal and see it through another’s eyes.  Few take that time. 

I share this story as seen through the eyes, thoughts, images and words of one client who has suffered a great deal in her past from physical, emotional and sexual abuse, and at the age of 53 has chosen finally to confront this and change who she is, or at least the perception of who she is and once was.  This is a therapeutic but mostly a personal account of her story which she has chosen to share...

There is one more reason why I want to tell my story. Abuse makes one feels lonely and alone. Silence, secrecy, and lies. No one to tell,
too ashamed to tell. Even simple conversation deepens the gap, when
you're a child, you can not talk about your parents, or why you never
invite anybody to your place. When you're older, you have no childhood memories you can talk about. I will always feel different, because I will always see things, and process feelings and thoughts through what happened to me. Like people who have been through war, they will never be like the others who haven't. Although the difference is that war is something open, and public, what everyone suffers will be personal and different but there will be common ground. I think that abuse doesn't really allow you to be part of that sort of "community" because you always think that your story is unique and can not be told because of shame and guilt and fear. I hope that the book will help me and others not to feel so lonely anymore...

And I do feel terribly lonely tonight :-).

-B.

And so is her story that follows from our first conversations to the present. This is and will be an ongoing tale.